My kind of girl

Deception in love: it is something to which I am quite familiar. Even if I had only one experience in this field or rather this situation. I had been unsuccessful in my first love. And it took me much time to get over this grief. Lots of memories or better say lots of sad memories were haunting me all the time. Tears were starting to flow from my eyes every time I thought of my first love. I was quite dishearten and dejected, but then I started to ask myself why I had loved only one girl and why I had not been interested in any other girl? After spending quite some time pondering on this, I finally got the becauses of my whys. It was either because I didn’t find any girl who was “my kind of girl” of either I was blind. I preferred the former view of things.

Then I kept pondering about my experience, my one and only experience at that time. I thought that I should try to find where I had been wrong. And I finally realized that I had not been wrong anywhere. It was rather fate who had been wrong to me. But still it was of no use to blame fate. So I thought it was better to learn from this experience rather than lamenting over my fate. As time was passing, I was trying to forget my first love, and it was even more difficult than what I thought. On the other hand, I came to another conclusion. If during so many years I came across only one girl who was my kind of girl, it meant that it would probably take me much time to meet another girl who would be my kind of girl. So I thought it was better for me to enjoy loneliness and the so called freedom of life. At least loneliness would never betray me. Loneliness had always been sincere to me and I had been sincere to someone else, who gave me nothing but pain in return. Life was melancholic and I was living only because my breath was not stopping. Gradually life was returning to the normal as I kept myself busy to forget my past. But little did I know that I would fall in the trap of love again.

It took me around 10 months after I had last seen my first love, to meet a girl who was my kind of girl. I did not really believe in love at first sight and this was perhaps why I was never interested in any girl in just the first meeting. I could not know that I had found my kind of girl when I met her for the first time. It took me a couple of meetings to realize that I was in trouble; I mean I was on the way of falling in love. I had already been deceived before and I did not want to be so again. Hence I had decided that I would not love her till I knew everything about her. But how could I stop myself from falling in love?

I started to smile. I even forgot that tears were the tiny droplets that fell from the eyes. I got another reason to live. I wanted to be hers and make her mine. I thought of her so much that I started to forget myself. I was already good, but I started to change myself for the best. The word “happiness” entered my dictionary of life again. But how could I know that fate was just playing a game with me again? What I thought was happiness was, in fact, sadness in disguise. Just moments after, I was heart broken. I felt so lost, I had lost. The irony in all this was that my kind of girl broken my heart but she did not even know about it. I just could not blame her or accuse her of being stone hearted. I could not even confess my love to me. The season of happiness seemed to be over. I wanted to cry but I could not, maybe because I had started to get used of being heart broken. Again I thought where I had been wrong and this time I started to blame myself. Maybe I should give up or maybe I do not deserved to get the love of the one I love.

I feel the pain again and again and yet no one is here to explain why this happened to me. No one is here to give me uplifting words; no one is here to lend me a smile. But still I have to smile to hide my sorrows. Smile on my face, pain in my heart, tears in my eyes and I’m still living. I’m just hoping that the season of sadness won’t last long. This hope shall keep me alive. But with whom shall I share my sadness? Maybe I should live with this burden and keep it as my secret. But I know that I’ll take some time to forget my kind of girl and whenever she might be near me, I shall hold my tears and smile out my grief. She does not know the depth of my love and she’ll never ever know about it. I’ll just smile and make others smile, so that if something happens to me tomorrow, I will be remembered for my smile, I’ll smile for others and maybe I’ll forget my sorrows for a while. Perhaps time will heal my pain and I’ll start to live once again. And maybe I’ll come across someone who’ll be my kind of girl and …………..